Posts Tagged "lifestyle"

Attached

Posted by Michelle on Aug 10, 2008 in Parenting | 0 comments

When I was pregnant, I made up my mind to be a hands-on parent. I promised myself that I would make myself available to my child as much as humanly possible during her tender, formative early days. From the day she was born, I did everything possible to make sure she didn’t cry for very long. I always picked her up and began to soothe her as soon as she began to cry. A devoted babywearer from the very beginning, I’ve worn her almost every day of her life in some type of carrier, usually a meitai or a wrap.

Of course, my practice of holding and carrying The Little Empress whenever possible has raised a lot of eyebrows amongst my family and friends. Seeing me frantically rush to pick up and hold my daughter the instant she began to cry when she was just days old, my parents sagely advised me to not be so quick to hold her, otherwise she’d come to expect it. To which I huffed and puffed and began to quote all the literature I’d read about why crying it out was bad and my daughter’s self confidence would later suffer.

While I breastfeed, babywear and co-sleep, I don’t consider myself a classic Attachment Parent. We didn’t become AP parents for the sake of living a natural, holistic lifestyle. We simply did what made sense to us.

To be quite honest, in my mind, the phrase “attachment parenting” conjures up the image of a crunchy granola family, perhaps a Berkeley or Santa Cruz vegan, who perhaps homebirthed their child in a warm pool and whose accessories of the moment include carrying an organic hemp bag, filled with organic cotton diapers. Which, I’m sure, could describe a few AP parents but by no means all. It is clearly an unfair image but still, that’s my own stereotype.

While I may not be an AP poster mama, neither am I a classic mainstream parent. I chose breastfeeding not only because it was the best, most nutritious choice for my child but also because I am TOO DAMNED LAZY to get up in the middle of the night to fix a bottle. I just figured it would be easier to pull down my shirt and hook baby to boob. Which, for the record, it is. I don’t understand the concept of sleeping separately from your child, especially when breastfeeding, for the aforementioned reasons. The Little Empress has never ridden in a stroller; she has been worn since she was five days old.

At four months old, all this breastfeeding, co-sleeping and babywearing seems to really fostered that inexplicable bond between mother and child. I can barely bear to be without my baby. And right now, she prefers me to the exclusion of everyone else, including The Hubster whom she will at least tolerate for a few minutes before wailing to be reunited with me. When I returned to work when she was 12 weeks old, we hoped that she would adjust to the change in caregivers. Long story short, she never acclimated to my being gone. In fact, she ended up reverting to the point that she not only rejected bottles with breastmilk in them, she rejected bottles with formula in them which meant she would only nurse. I’m now back on leave and seriously exploring other options as far as working goes.

While this bond is wonderful and I wouldn’t trade it for the world, there is a minor drawback: she refuses to be comforted by anyone else other than Mommy. I know that the time she’s so attached to me will be so short in the grand scheme of things but even so, right now the demand on my time is just a little bit problematic. I find myself having to wear or carry or nurse her pretty much around the clock. Something as simple as showering can be a challenge because I never know if she’ll remain calm without me around long enough for me to take a shower. While I’ve been able to do things like work with relative ease thanks to babywearing (which allows me to nurse hands free and in turn, soothes her), things like housework have had to take a backseat.

There are times that I’ve found myself worrying about whether or not I am spoiling The Little Empress. She does expect — if not outright demand — that it be Mommy to hold her, comfort her, soothe her. But I knowo that this is because she knows, no matter what, that Mommy will be there for her. Even at this young age, she knows that, no matter what, I will find my way to her.

I know that there will come a time that her cries will have to be reasoned with but I know that now is not yet the time. As clingy as she is now, I know that some day, she may run away from me, eager to explore the world on her own. I can only hope that the when that day comes, that some part of her will remember the days that she cried for me and that I was there, and that through that knowledge,  she will remember that Mommy will always be here for her to return to.