Christmas 2012

Every year since we purchased our home, I promised myself that I would do our house up big for the holidays. Three years later, I dragged our tree and assorted decor out of garage storage sometime around mid-December but actually didn’t decorate it (or the house). In the end, it was our housemate who ended up putting up the decor the day before she left to spend the holidays with her family in the South Bay.

While being sick certainly had something to do with it — down with bronchitis pretty much the entirety of December — it just didn’t feel like Christmas this year. Every year, I tell myself that I’ll do more for Christmas and somehow, I end up doing less. I know part of it is economic circumstances which doesn’t help my holiday mood any. It makes me feel bad, especially since I want to make the holidays as magical for TLE as they were for me. And I feel like I’m failing her because I just can’t deliver.

There weren’t a lot of presents under the tree this year. But then I look at photos like this, her excitement as she climbed into her “big girl” car for the first time, and am reminded, not for the first time, that the presents — neither quality nor quantity of them — really mattered.

All that she really cared about on Christmas morning, as she  cuddled the stuffed cat that was all that she had really asked Santa for, was that she had Mommy and Daddy to cuddle her on our laps while she was watched Christmas cartoons and ate candy canes.

There may come a time when she’s older, when TV and the Internet will tell her about the fancy decorated houses and the mounds of Christmas gifts that define the holidays in other households. And I harbor a hope to deliver that to her, someday. But my deepest wish is that she remembers — and will continue to remind me — the best Christmas gift of all for her when she was three years old: to be loved and warm and cuddled by Mommy and Daddy.

Since our friend Rainbow Dash now lives with us (RD’s kind of like our benign version of Jason Mewes) TLE has several adults to ping-pong off of but I know she does crave peer interaction. Otherwise, she’s very dependent on us for her socialization and now with her going to school less, she’s become even clingier when she’s at home.

We have our reasons for being a one child family but I do get sad thinking about TLE being lonely, especially when I read about other moms talking about how their kids have built in playmates in their siblings. On bad days, TLE come to me and cry that she wants someone to play with.

It’s been a period of readjusting here at home since TLE’s school was cut down from 5 days a week to 2 days a week. Our eventual hope is to up it back up to 3 days a week but with the holidays coming up, it seems sort of silly to pay for 3 days a week when we won’t really be getting our money’s worth.

It was a pretty drastic change to our routine and neither TLE nor I do very well with routine changes. She cried and whined a lot during the first week, saying she was bored and that she wanted to go to preschool. At one point, she even told me she hated me (!!) which earned her a time out while I quietly lost my shit in another room. The battle of the wills continued until it got so bad that I reviewed my resume and posted it online, convinced that I’m just a failure as a stay at home mom.

Things have gotten better since then, with a bit of an attitude adjustment on both of our parts. Being in school so much sort of made me forget how much interaction TLE really craves. It makes working from home pretty much impossible while she’s around so I’ve taken to working late nights to make up for it.

I’ve found that she doesn’t do well with total “free form” days as she likes routines but hates predetermined schedules. So keeping an open, predictable routine seems to have been best. For us that means lots of “free form” play time where she determines what she wants to do.

I’m the first to admit that I’m not very good at knowing how to play with her which sounds horrible but it’s the truth. It’s taking a lot of conscious effort on my part to let her lead and follow up with information rather than lead her with information, if that makes any sense.

In many ways, I have to let her lead while I support. I’m finding that I’m having to shove aside any prejudices I may have had about unschooling because this is what is really working best for her at this stage in her life and with her personality. In our case, sometimes teaching her means letting go a little.

Then her speech therapy school ended and she left some of her favorite playmates. And this month, she transitioned from the “young preschooler” (non-potty trained room, most of kids under 3 years old) to the “big preschool” (everyone is 3 to 4 with some young 5 year olds.)

Suddenly, she didn’t want to go to school anymore. She has become very insistent on Mommy or Daddy’s help for everything. Luckily her potty training hasn’t slipped but she’s been very insistent and clingy.  She doesn’t want to try anything new and is far more easily frustrated with simple tasks that she doesn’t grasp immediately.

“I can’t” has become her battle cry and it worries me. I’m hoping that it is just a silly three year old thing and she’ll pick herself up and return to the independent little thing she used to be. Ugh.

Pretty little pumpkins

As a person who loves moderate temperatures, I prefer autumn’s cool breezes to summer’s sun or winter’s chill. I also love all things pumpkin: itty bitty ornamental pumpkins, Jack o’lanterns, harvest corn and all that jazz. There’s just something about the yellow, reds and oranges of the season that make me a happy camper. That and I love pumpkin and apple goodies that are so prolific this time of year.

The Little Empress also seems to enjoy this time of the year, especially the pumpkins. She’s been crowing, “Pa-tee, pa-tee” (her way of saying “pumpkin”) every day. Sadly, we didn’t get a chance to go to the local pumpkin farm this year due to rain. Luckily, TLE’s school has been helping to fill the pumpkin void! During the month, she’s gotten at least a pumpkin a week. One week, the kids painted mini-pumpkins. Another time, they received more (unpainted) mini-pumpkins in their cubbies. And this past week, the kids got to pick their very own pumpkin from a little “pumpkin patch” that was set up on the school grounds. As you can see, TLE was absolutely thrilled with her pumpkin. (She fell asleep moments later, cuddling the pumpkin as she napped!)

TLE and her pumpkin

Her school also had a costumed “Harvest Parade” for the kiddies on Friday morning. Her school has students from about 18 months to four year olds so there was a pretty diverse mix of kids. Her class of toddlers were pulled by their teachers in wagons so the little ones wouldn’t get tired from parading around the playground. TLE loved it and enjoyed waving to her public. I wasn’t sure what to dress her as since she really doesn’t have any preferences. I ended up using a princess costume I’d bought for her last year but that she didn’t get to use. I know, I know, I’m usually so anti-princess but at home, she ran around with an inflatable sword with her costume. (I didn’t let her have the sword while at school since she’d just be a hazard with it.)

"No, Mom!" No pictures for this princess!

While I’d love to give TLE the full-blown trick or treating experience that I had as a kid — staying out all night, hitting all the neighborhoods and not stopping until the bag could hold no more — that just isn’t an option where we live. Luckily, there were plenty of free family friendly events put on by the community and churches as alternatives to nighttime trick or treating. We opted to go to the Halloween event at the local outdoor shopping mall.It is a relatively new shopping center and the second year they’ve held the event. There were a few free events for the kids, including a “haunted” bus and a converted bus made into a kid’s gym that TLE normally loves, as well as a bouncy slide thing.

Sadly, the event ended up being pretty lackluster for us though it looked like there was a pretty good overall turnout. We did get there too late to participate in the trick or treating since TLE ended up taking a late nap. One thing I noticed was that not all of the retailers actually participated in the one hour trick-or-treating window for the community kids. I got really irked when I saw signs that had “No Candy but Shoppers are Welcome.” I really wish I’d had the foresight to bring a notebook or to take photos of the establishments that weren’t participating. I know it is voluntary but seriously, how hard can it be to station one of the workers at the door for just an hour with a bucket of candy. Hell, pass out fliers for your next sale with the candy if you want. A “No Candy but Shoppers are Welcome” sign essentially tells me to “F*ck off, we don’t want your kids in here.” Okay fine, I won’t come in on Hallowe’en OR any other time of the year, for that matter.

There was also a pumpkin patch which had several inflatable rides but the prices were ridiculous! It was $5 for 5 minutes on ONE ride or $10 for an hour on unlimited rides. I was horrified to see that, despite the prices, there was little supervision of the inflatables that I could see. Little kids were packed in with rambunctious older kids.  I refused to pay that much for the inflatables, especially with no real supervision aside from the parents and no separation to keep the wee ones safe. TLE tried, briefly, to get into the free inflatable but wisely decided it wasn’t for her despite the fact she really wanted to play in the jumpy. (Meanwhile, I was beginning to panic as I saw a group of older kids storm the jumpy just as she had climbed into it.) We lined up for the tumble bus but half an hour (in the sun) later, we got to the end of the line and she melted down in tears and clung to me, refusing to get on. *sigh* We searched for some food at the event but only found two tiny stands, selling over priced hot dogs and slices of pizza. No thanks. Luckily, we found a frozen yogurt store and ended up getting some yogurt to cool down.

The afternoon wasn’t a total waste. TLE really loves music so when she heard the live band kick in, she grabbed my hands and insisted that we dance. I took her to the center of the shopping mall where we hung around the fountain and she alternately danced to the music and gazed into the fountain pool.

Introspective

All in all, not a bad Hallowe’en at all! We may not have gotten to go to a lot of events or a proper trick or treating session but I think we’re not doing too badly for fun!

We’re definitely not the only family to do so. A recent article on CNN talks about a study that shows that 82 percent of kids under 2 have an online presence.

While the Internet makes it easy to share photos of your newest family member with far flung relatives and friends, the fact remains that these innocent photos of your child can also be a privacy risk. Here’s a few ways to keep your little one’s identity safe from the very start.

Use privacy filters. Photo services like Facebook, Flickr, Shutterfly and more have privacy filters that allow you to control who sees your photos.

Do not label photos with sensitive information. Sensitive information can include your child’s full name, birth date, birth place, etc.

Obscure any personal information that may be visible in the photo. New parents may want to rethink sharing the photo of their newborn the hospital isolette as information including the baby’s name, family surname and even delivering doctor may be in full view. Choose to share another photo that does not contain any sensitive information.

Ask friends and family NOT to share photos of your little one without your permission. This is harder to control — especially with excited grandparents — but (gently) explain why you would like to control where your child’s photos are seen.

BONUS TIP: It is popular on some parenting communities to share the names and ages of your children in your signatures. If you do this, use nicknames to identify your children rather than their names.

As a parent, I am finding myself bristling a lot these days when reading my social networking feeds. I have quite a few friends who do not have children, some of whom are childfree. Which, honestly, is fine with me. I am not one of those parents who will espouse a misguided belief that one is incomplete without children. In fact, I respect folks who know, for whatever reason, that they don’t want children.

But if I read another status update about how annoying children are, I will have to smack someone. Hard. Upside the head with a truck, even.

Yes, children that tantrum can grate on one’s nerves. Trust me, I know. I have a champion tantrumer whose tantrums can and have lasted near two hours. But let me tell you something: that child is not out to annoy you. Trust me, you’re just not that damn special. So for the love of god, don’t act personally insulted that just because you can overhear a child tantrum, or that they’ve ruined your day and/or your entire outlook on children. Small children tantrum. It is normal. You, oh-insulted-one, most likely tantrumed as a child and embarrassed the everloving snot out of your poor parents at some point during your esteemed life. So quit with the holier than thou attitude. The End.

For the record, I can’t stand it when people assume that just because a child is tantruming that they are either a) being ignored or b) being bratty. Some kids, for whatever reason, due to sensory issues, special needs, etc. tantrum like they’re on fire and there’s nothing that can be done until it passes. And just because a tantrum lasts for god knows how long doesn’t mean that the parent is somehow absent or not taking care of their child.  I can assure you that while I’m sure there are some douchenugget parents out there that don’t take care of their kids, this is probably not the case for most parents. In fact, I can attest to more than a few occasions when I’ve simply sat down and sobbed right along side my tantrum-prone child because I dared to change her diaper at the wrong minute. And absolutely nothing prepares you for the stares and the not-so-silent blame that you get when you seek help for a tantruming child.

And while I’m in a ranting mode…

To those that complain that folks bring their kids to conventions or geek parties or another function with adults… stop whining. Seriously. Geek parents do not bring their children to geek functions to piss off their childfree geek peers. We could really give a sh*t what you think. God forbid that a geek family want to do something together and include their children in their geekery. Granted, parents shouldn’t run over people with their strollers (that’s just plain rude) but blaming it on the kids? How’s that work? Blame the parents for being douches, not the kids for having been brought to the convention. Jeezus.

A long time ago, we got a large yellow rubber ducky blow up bath for The Little Empress. She bathed in it from the time she could sit up until she was a little over a year old. Since then, it has been retired to life as a diaper holder in our master bathroom.

For whatever reason, The Little Empress decided on Friday night that Mr. Ducky is the bestest. toy. ever. and insisted that Daddy bring Mr. Ducky downstairs for her to play with. Daddy complied and TLE spent the rest of the night toting this rubber duck bath tub with her everywhere she went. Mr. Ducky is easily just about as big as her and quite unwieldy but TLE still insisted on toting him around.

TLE thanking Daddy for bringing Mr. Ducky downstairs

On Sunday afternoon, TLE was playing on and off with Mr. Ducky as well as just running around like a maniac, per usual. Oddly, she’d chosen a pair of pink footie pajamas as her outfit of the day. (This after wearing mismatching pajamas when we went out yesterday. I let her out in public in the most horrific of outfits but she’s so proud to do so. Who am I to stop her?) Eventually, she settled down (somewhat) to watch a few episodes of Futurama with Daddy while I attempted to wade through my work backlog. It was a nice change of pace as The Hubs ™ has been working 12+ hour days for the past two weeks so I think both of them were happy to have some bonding time.

About an hour into Futurama, I hear The Hubs ™ call out.

“Uh, honey? We’ve got a situation here.”

Situation, huh? I pushed back my chair and started to make my way out of the office when The Little Empress ran out right in front of me. Grinning, she handed me the diaper off of her naked butt and then promptly ran off. According to The Hubs ™, she had suddenly tired of her pink footies and decided that she wanted to run around nekkid. She continued to run around the rest of the afternoon, happily bouncing from chair to ottoman and to the floor again, reveling in the awesomeness of being nekkid. It took me about two hours to convince her to at least wear a diaper. (I’ll defend other families’ decision to EC but we are definitely NOT an EC household!!)

TLE & Mr. Ducky

Oh well. At least I got a few photos to embarrass her with later in life. And really, isn’t that what digital cameras in the hands of mothers is all about??

As predicted, TLE fussed enough during the ceremony that I had to take her outside not once but twice. The ride to the church was pretty long and the wedding was delayed for about half an hour so by the time the ceremony started, she had run through her tiny little well of toddler patience. The Hubs ™ offered to take her but TLE was starting to (loudly) crow for boob. I was left with the options of either ignoring her cries and letting her fuss, with the cry of “BOOB” ringing throughout the church or I could give in. I gave in for the sake of Blackberry’s wedding. This meant that I ended up missing a good chunk of the ceremony.

Of course, I brought along my dSLR. Blackberry had asked me months ago if I’d be their photographer. I declined because 1) I’m not that great of a photographer and 2) wrangling The Little Empress usually prevents me from doing anything other than, well, wrangling her. As it so happened, there was a communication mixup and our friend that she thought was going to photograph the wedding didn’t get the invite. (Ooops.) So the backup photographer ended up being the primary photographer while I ended up supplementing some shots.

I didn’t get quite as many photos as I would have liked. I was far too afraid of getting in someone’s way, blocking someone’s view or otherwise ruining someone’s experience to get in to get some of the shots I would have liked. I think this is why I know I could never be a great photographer. Great photographers aren’t afraid to get the shot. I’m a chickensh!t. Despite that, this chickensh!t photographer did at least get some decent shots, including one of Blackberry as she took her mom’s arm to walk her down the aisle. Blackberry later told me that she had only a handful of photos with her mom so this one would be extra special.

While I won’t share photos of the couple online, here’s a few shots I took of the decor and what not…

Bouqets on the train

Flowers at the church

Reception table decor

And of course, I have to include at least one picture of TLE and Daddy at the wedding.

TLE and Daddy

J U M P !

After somewhat wearing her out at the gymnastics center, we headed off to Lolo & Lola’s house so she could get some quality time with her grandparents while I got some quality time (and aggravated my carpal tunnel) with my keyboard. Ugh, deadlines. But at least I got to take a quick break to get a photo or two. Here, my mom is holding her (you can see her hand trying to tickle TLE to make her smile. Didn’t work.) while posing her with a photo that her teacher took of her last week. One photo has nothing to do with the other but I think it looks funny. (Plus, I love the crooked, upside down sunglasses in the photo she’s holding. Classic toddler action!)

Double TLE

Later on, TLE decided it was time to practice piano. It is horribly out of tune right now but that didn’t stop TLE from playing. She looooooooves the piano at my parents’ house. Someday, we will move it to our house once we get the money for the move and a good tuning.

TLE and the piano

She got very into her piano playing at one point, banging on the keys with the utmost purpose. I see a tortured artist musician in the making…

Future experimental pianist