To those without kids… (rant)
Warning: Rant ahead. This rant has been boiling for awhile but I’m annoyed enough to actually publish it. 
You have been warned.
As a parent, I am finding myself bristling a lot these days when reading my social networking feeds. I have quite a few friends who do not have children, some of whom are childfree. Which, honestly, is fine with me. I am not one of those parents who will espouse a misguided belief that one is incomplete without children. In fact, I respect folks who know, for whatever reason, that they don’t want children.
But if I read another status update about how annoying children are, I will have to smack someone. Hard. Upside the head with a truck, even.
Yes, children that tantrum can grate on one’s nerves. Trust me, I know. I have a champion tantrumer whose tantrums can and have lasted near two hours. But let me tell you something: that child is not out to annoy you. Trust me, you’re just not that damn special. So for the love of god, don’t act personally insulted that just because you can overhear a child tantrum, or that they’ve ruined your day and/or your entire outlook on children. Small children tantrum. It is normal. You, oh-insulted-one, most likely tantrumed as a child and embarrassed the everloving snot out of your poor parents at some point during your esteemed life. So quit with the holier than thou attitude. The End.
For the record, I can’t stand it when people assume that just because a child is tantruming that they are either a) being ignored or b) being bratty. Some kids, for whatever reason, due to sensory issues, special needs, etc. tantrum like they’re on fire and there’s nothing that can be done until it passes. And just because a tantrum lasts for god knows how long doesn’t mean that the parent is somehow absent or not taking care of their child. I can assure you that while I’m sure there are some douchenugget parents out there that don’t take care of their kids, this is probably not the case for most parents. In fact, I can attest to more than a few occasions when I’ve simply sat down and sobbed right along side my tantrum-prone child because I dared to change her diaper at the wrong minute. And absolutely nothing prepares you for the stares and the not-so-silent blame that you get when you seek help for a tantruming child.
And while I’m in a ranting mode…
To those that complain that folks bring their kids to conventions or geek parties or another function with adults… stop whining. Seriously. Geek parents do not bring their children to geek functions to piss off their childfree geek peers. We could really give a sh*t what you think. God forbid that a geek family want to do something together and include their children in their geekery. Granted, parents shouldn’t run over people with their strollers (that’s just plain rude) but blaming it on the kids? How’s that work? Blame the parents for being douches, not the kids for having been brought to the convention. Jeezus.
Toddler Craziness
Ever since The Little Empress became a toddler, I’ve continually marveled at the seemingly random thought process of toddlers. It just never ceases to amaze and intrigue me.
A long time ago, we got a large yellow rubber ducky blow up bath for The Little Empress. She bathed in it from the time she could sit up until she was a little over a year old. Since then, it has been retired to life as a diaper holder in our master bathroom.
For whatever reason, The Little Empress decided on Friday night that Mr. Ducky is the bestest. toy. ever. and insisted that Daddy bring Mr. Ducky downstairs for her to play with. Daddy complied and TLE spent the rest of the night toting this rubber duck bath tub with her everywhere she went. Mr. Ducky is easily just about as big as her and quite unwieldy but TLE still insisted on toting him around.
TLE thanking Daddy for bringing Mr. Ducky downstairs
On Sunday afternoon, TLE was playing on and off with Mr. Ducky as well as just running around like a maniac, per usual. Oddly, she’d chosen a pair of pink footie pajamas as her outfit of the day. (This after wearing mismatching pajamas when we went out yesterday. I let her out in public in the most horrific of outfits but she’s so proud to do so. Who am I to stop her?) Eventually, she settled down (somewhat) to watch a few episodes of Futurama with Daddy while I attempted to wade through my work backlog. It was a nice change of pace as The Hubs ™ has been working 12+ hour days for the past two weeks so I think both of them were happy to have some bonding time.
About an hour into Futurama, I hear The Hubs ™ call out.
“Uh, honey? We’ve got a situation here.”
Situation, huh? I pushed back my chair and started to make my way out of the office when The Little Empress ran out right in front of me. Grinning, she handed me the diaper off of her naked butt and then promptly ran off. According to The Hubs ™, she had suddenly tired of her pink footies and decided that she wanted to run around nekkid. She continued to run around the rest of the afternoon, happily bouncing from chair to ottoman and to the floor again, reveling in the awesomeness of being nekkid. It took me about two hours to convince her to at least wear a diaper. (I’ll defend other families’ decision to EC but we are definitely NOT an EC household!!)
TLE & Mr. Ducky
Oh well. At least I got a few photos to embarrass her with later in life. And really, isn’t that what digital cameras in the hands of mothers is all about??
Photography Practice
Yesterday, I saw two of my closest friends, Blackberry and J tie the knot. Technically, they’d gotten married about nine months ago but yesterday was the actual Big Wedding ™ for their folks. We weren’t able to get to their first ceremony, a civil ceremony held in a bakery for Unique Points ™, surrounded by their friends so we were lucky enough to be able to attend this one.
As predicted, TLE fussed enough during the ceremony that I had to take her outside not once but twice. The ride to the church was pretty long and the wedding was delayed for about half an hour so by the time the ceremony started, she had run through her tiny little well of toddler patience. The Hubs ™ offered to take her but TLE was starting to (loudly) crow for boob. I was left with the options of either ignoring her cries and letting her fuss, with the cry of “BOOB” ringing throughout the church or I could give in. I gave in for the sake of Blackberry’s wedding. This meant that I ended up missing a good chunk of the ceremony.
Of course, I brought along my dSLR. Blackberry had asked me months ago if I’d be their photographer. I declined because 1) I’m not that great of a photographer and 2) wrangling The Little Empress usually prevents me from doing anything other than, well, wrangling her. As it so happened, there was a communication mixup and our friend that she thought was going to photograph the wedding didn’t get the invite. (Ooops.) So the backup photographer ended up being the primary photographer while I ended up supplementing some shots.
I didn’t get quite as many photos as I would have liked. I was far too afraid of getting in someone’s way, blocking someone’s view or otherwise ruining someone’s experience to get in to get some of the shots I would have liked. I think this is why I know I could never be a great photographer. Great photographers aren’t afraid to get the shot. I’m a chickensh!t. 
Despite that, this chickensh!t photographer did at least get some decent shots, including one of Blackberry as she took her mom’s arm to walk her down the aisle. Blackberry later told me that she had only a handful of photos with her mom so this one would be extra special.
While I won’t share photos of the couple online, here’s a few shots I took of the decor and what not…
Bouqets on the train
Flowers at the church
Reception table decor
And of course, I have to include at least one picture of TLE and Daddy at the wedding.
TLE and Daddy
Gym and Lola’s House
For Day #3 of “Wear Out The Little Empress”, we went to a mother’s club play date at a local gymnastics center. I could barely get The Little Empress off of the trampoline. After all, who WOULDN’T love running and bouncing on a 20′ trampoline?? (A plus: her OT tells me that it is awesome vestibular input!)
J U M P !
After somewhat wearing her out at the gymnastics center, we headed off to Lolo & Lola’s house so she could get some quality time with her grandparents while I got some quality time (and aggravated my carpal tunnel) with my keyboard. Ugh, deadlines. But at least I got to take a quick break to get a photo or two. Here, my mom is holding her (you can see her hand trying to tickle TLE to make her smile. Didn’t work.) while posing her with a photo that her teacher took of her last week. One photo has nothing to do with the other but I think it looks funny. (Plus, I love the crooked, upside down sunglasses in the photo she’s holding. Classic toddler action!)
Double TLE
Later on, TLE decided it was time to practice piano. It is horribly out of tune right now but that didn’t stop TLE from playing. She looooooooves the piano at my parents’ house. Someday, we will move it to our house once we get the money for the move and a good tuning.
TLE and the piano
She got very into her piano playing at one point, banging on the keys with the utmost purpose. I see a tortured artist musician in the making…
Future experimental pianist
Weekday Farmers Market
In order to wear her the heck out so I can get some work done, take advantage of The Little Empress’ school vacation, I’m trying to fill the days with fun, low-cost outings to pass the time. One of the outings I decided on was to hit up the Concord Farmers Market in Todos Santos Plaza.
I try to hit up a Farmer’s Market or farmer’s stand at least every week or so, to take advantage of the fresh produce we have in this area. There are at least three Farmers Markets within ten miles of us and a countless number of family owned farm stands. (Antioch may be maligned for being way the hell out in nowhere land but it does have its advantages.) The Concord Farmer’s Market isn’t one of the close by Farmers Markets but it is my current favorite due to its location. Todos Santos is a beautiful city square with a park, kids play area and is surrounded by a good selection of shops. These shops include Half Price Books and Peet’s Coffee which is damn near my version of heaven already. Adding a twice weekly Farmers Market on top of it is just icing on the cake! The location is full of mature trees for shade so after meandering through the Farmers Market, you can sit on the grass and let your kid play while you enjoy some fresh produce and whatever hot food happens to be at the market that day.
The Little Empress and I wandered through Half Price Books for a bit before hitting up the Farmers Market. While I’m not nearly as much of a bibliophile as other folks I know, book stores and libraries seriously make me happy and I can stay there for hours. TLE is still a bit young and got restless and I was getting hungry so I decided to head out to find something to eat. There were a bunch of great hot food stalls to choose from, including Argentine Empanadas, tamales, wood fired pizza, gourmet hot dogs… yummy. I decided on a gyro which I thought TLE would like but she didn’t. Alas, no photo of the gyro as it disappeared into my gaping maw way too quickly. It was delicious.
We relaxed on the grass for a bit. Next week, I’ll have to remember to bring a good blanket to sit on as well as a ball for TLE to kick around. I’d thought that she would have wanted to play on the play structure but she was (surprisingly) uninterested. (Lucky for me. The play structure is meant for kids 5+ rather than the toddler set. That usually doesn’t stop TLE who is a total daredevil.) Instead, she entertained herself by watching other kids and running around on the grass near me.
TLE dancing on the grass
Soon enough, she tired of the grass and signed frantically for “apples” which is her way of asking for fruit. It took some convincing to get her back in her stroller. I normally don’t take a stroller anywhere but Farmers Markets are SO much easier to navigate with a stroller rather than carrying her on my back while carrying groceries. (Plus, have you ever had a toddler eating a plum while in a back carry? I personally find the sensation of dripping plum juice down my neck to be decidedly NOT PLEASANT.)
We wandered up and down the aisles of the Farmers Market, looking at all the yummy and delicious fruits. I like to make at least one round of the offerings, to see what’s being offered at what prices. Summer farmer’s markets are always the best, full of stone fruit, delicious berries and awesome vegetables. Plus, fully circumventing the farmers market means I get to pilfer samples from everyone. BWAHAHA. (These samples kept TLE satisfied for quite awhile!)
Free samples? YES PLEASE.
I saw some really lovely tomatoes and a bunch of Asian herbs that I desperately wanted but knew I had no time to really enjoy properly this week so I passed. Seriously, check out these tomatoes!! The heirlooms next to the Early Girls were even more gorgeous but I didn’t get a really good shot of those.
Tomatoes... gorgeous, aren't they?!
After my first round, I stopped at a vendor to pick up a few pounds of naturally sweet, stone fruit goodness. TLE was very happy to get her chance to dig in to a sweet-tart pluot.
Yummy pluot!
Nomilicious indeed!
Photo Woes
TLE eating (more) ice cream. No, this has nothing to do with this entry.
It is no secret that I love photography. I really love it. I must have taken over 5,000 photographs in first two years of The Little Empress’ life. Sadly, the third year of her life doesn’t seem to be as conducive to taking photographs. These days, The Little Empress gladly hams it up for my parents’ and sister’s camphones but when she sees my dSLR come out, she turns tail and hides. Or she sticks her face way into the camera and pokes at the lens. Either way, I’m not getting as many photo opportunities of her as I’d like.
Like most mom-photographers, I’m always behind the lens rather than in front of it. Considering I’m not all that photogenic (see earlier entries for proof of this), I’m fine with this. Usually. But regrettably, that means I am also rarely in the photo with The Little Empress and as a result, aside from the babywearing shots that I’ve taken, I have very few photos of us together. (Those that I do have were taken by the ever wonderful SEEN by Lam and Megs Photography. Alas, I am too broke to visit Cousin Lam and/or to afford Megs at the moment.)
I’ve been searching for an affordable local photographer to work with but am beginning to believe that “affordable” plus “photography” are two words that were never meant to be together in the same phrase. I’m a freelance writer so believe me when I say that I understand the direct correlation between talent, time spent and prices charged. Now, I’m not asking for free photos but some of the prices that I’m seeing for portrait sessions are just insane. I’ve seen prices upwards of $120+ for just a half hour sitting fee for a mini session. (I mean, seriously? I’d gladly pay that for an hour or more but a half hour? YIKES.) And then there’s how much folks charge for digital images. I saw one photographer charging $85 per digital image, after a $200 print minimum PLUS her session fee.
Maybe this is the industry standard. If so, I guess that the industry is telling me that portrait photography is a privilege like organic produce and sustainably raised meat and isn’t for broke folks like myself.
And while I’m at it, let’s talk about mini-sessions. I researched these as a possible viable alternative to most photographer’s pricey full sessions. While I love the idea of mini sessions, I also have to say that they’re not a good idea for us. Most mini-sessions that photographers in this area offer are twenty to thirty minutes, in a fixed location. Taking TLE to an unfamiliar place, to meet unfamiliar people, to do something she has to be in the mood for, under a time limit is just asking for trouble. (Unfortunately, TLE’s unpredictability can wreak havoc on even the most well-intentioned outings.)
Maybe I just need to embrace lifeless Walmart portraits. I swear, sometimes I fantasize about starting my own photography business for affordable, quality portraits. Unfortunately, my skill as a photographer is non-existent these days and that still doesn’t solve my initial problem of getting a good portrait with TLE.
Target Arts & Wonder Free Family Event
Target Arts & Wonder Free Family Event
Want to get out with the kids this weekend without spending a lot of money? Target is sponsoring free admission to selected museums all around the United States this weekend, July 16 to 18, 2010.
In the San Francisco Bay Area, the De Young, Asian Art Museum, Zeum are among the museums are participating in the event. More information about the San Francisco museums participating, including free admission hours can be found here. More information on this event as well as participating museums outside of the Bay Area can be found here: Target Arts & Wonder Free Family Event.
Marshmallow Girl
Marshmallow lover
Since The Little EmpressNinja has soundly defeated just about every gate we have in the house, we took them down as they were far more a hindrance to us than they were to her. The last few days have been somewhat stressful as a result, as neither The Hubs ™ nor I fully trust The Little EmpressNinja not to do something crazy like climb up onto the counters and/or hang from oven knobs. (Both of which she has been caught doing, by the way.)
Still, I’ve stubbornly decided to keep the gates down and packed away because, well, she has to learn sometime, right? I just keep telling myself that.
Since there is no longer a gate protecting the kitchen, I’ve found myself having to be extra careful about what I leave out on the counter, so as not to tempt The Little EmpressNinja to climb. Though I have learned my lesson about keeping sharp knives in the sink where she can’t reach them, things like bags of chips and foodstuffs are somewhat harder to remember.
TLE is quite self-sufficient when it comes to feeding herself and happily does so. To her, anything left on the counter is fair game. This is how she ended up with a bag of marshmallows for dinner* last night. She had triumphantly plucked the marshmallows from the counter and walked into the office, marshmallow in hand, bag clutched to her, munching away happily.
“Mama?” she asked, holding the bag of marshmallows out to me with a smile.
“Mama doesn’t want marshmallows. But thank you,” I replied.
She nodded, smiled and went along her merry way, still clutching the bag of marshmallows.
- For the record she didn’t eat the entire bag of marshmallows, only about three of them. Which, when you think about the size of a toddler’s stomach, is plenty. I’m sure there are some parents that will roll their eyes at the thought of someone allowing their toddler to eat marshmallows for dinner. Hey, live a little, okay? Of course, there are other parents that I’m sure will understand exactly where I’m coming from when a few marshmallows can buy you some sanity minutes.
Did you ask what I think you asked for?
Since The Hubs ™ work hours are sort of crazy, TLN and I eat dinner together on weekdays without The Hubs ™. Last night, The Little Ninja and I sat at the dinner table, eating our dinners while The Hubs ™ played his latest game in the family room. (He’s currently playing Red Dead Redemeption on the XBox 360, if you’re curious. Not family friendly but a lot of fun if you like Westerns and lots of shooting.)
The Little Ninja was happily slurping up her macaroni and cheese, in between sips of milk, looking thoughtful. Conversations with TLN can be hard to understand since her words really aren’t there yet but the fact that she does her best to converse is always a thrill.
“Mama?” she asked between mouthfuls, pointing to me.
“Yes, I’m Mama,” I answered.
“Dadee?” Now she pointed to The Hubs ™ who was likely in the middle of killing some poor schmuck on RDR.
“Yes, that’s Daddy,” I replied.
She looked thoughtful for another second and pointed to herself.
“The Little Ninja!” I said triumphantly, hoping she’d mimic what I said. (Well, okay, I used her name not The Little Ninja but you get my drift.)
She shook her head, her brow furrowed. She pointed to me and her Daddy and herself again. And then she added another sign.
“More?” I asked. She indicated yes. (She doesn’t actually say the word “yes” but she does laugh or clap or something else that indicates yes.) Now I was confused. “You want more… Mama?”
“Nooooo….” she laughed.
“You want more… Daddy?”
“Noooo…..” she shook her head and laughed again. Then she pointed to herself and signed “more” again.
“More TLN?” I asked. She indicated yes and laughed before returning to her meal.
Meanwhile, I sat there a bit shellshocked. Did she just ask for a sibling?!
While recounting this to The Hubs ™…
(09:38:48 AM) Me: I think The Little Ninja asked for a sibling last night. (09:38:55 AM) The Hubs ™: ? (09:39:10 AM) Me: She pointed to me. She pointed to you. And then she pointed to herself. (09:39:43 AM) Me: When I didn’t get it at first, she did it again, pointing to herself and kept on signing “more” (09:39:51 AM) The Hubs ™: That just gave me a flash of an army of TLNs…. (09:40:00 AM) Me: YEAH SERIOUSLY
I’m not sure what scares me more. The notion of a sibling for The Little Ninja…. or an army of The Little Ninjas… which is likely what I’d end up with if I ever gave in to baby fever and/or TLN’s want of a sibling. shudder
Progress and doubt
Today marks marks hump day of The Little Empress’ third week of school. After going to school for just over two weeks now, TLE is showing some great progress. She’s signing a lot more and vocalizing more sounds. Her teachers give me an update every day on her progress. On Monday, they reported that TLE was now signing her versions of “more” and “all done” when eating. Today, they told me that she’s imitating a lot more, gaining sounds and using words like “boat”.
For some, a 25mo saying random things like “boat” may not seem like that much of an accomplishment but after nearly a year of waiting with bated breath for actual words rather than babble, I am absolutely over the moon. (“Moon” is also another one of TLE’s new words, one that she crowed delightedly with my parents while they were in the backyard over the weekend as TLE gleefully pointed up at the “moooooooooon”!!)
To the best of my knowledge, she’ll be in her current school for at least 6 months at which time she’ll be re-evaluated for eligibility. Her particular school requires a 33% or more delay in two or more areas meaning at 30 months old, she would be developmentally equivalent to a 20mo old in order to remain her class. It is a eligibility requirement that I rather she not meet — meaning I’d rather that she was closer to her biological age — though I think she will be sad not to attend school any longer. The Hubs isn’t sure she’ll be meeting that criteria in 6 months but given the progress we’ve seen in not even three weeks, I think it is quite possible she’ll meet the 20 month developmental cut off though she may not be where she should be in biological age.
She’s making such great progress at school that I have began to give some serious thought about what comes next. My initial plan was not to return to full-time work until TLE was in kindergarten. Now, I’m not so sure. She’s doing so well in a group setting that I’m beginning to doubt that being a stay at home mom is really the best for her. After all, I’ve been home for two years and I have a child who is nearly a whole year behind in speaking.
I feel like a failure as a stay at home mom. There. I admitted it out loud. I feel like I’ve failed my daughter and that the best thing to do is to put her in a daycare setting where she can thrive and learn with other little kids while I do something more productive than ruin my child. It is discouraging that as a writer, my words help put food in my child’s mouth yet I cannot find the right ways to encourage her to use words herself.
I know that I’ve been told that her speech delay is not my fault. I know that may just be me beating myself up over something I can’t control but the guilt is really eating me up. As much as it gives me joy to see her enjoying herself, to be playing and learning at school, it pains me to think that I fell short providing her with fun learning opportunities. What else could I have done? What else should I be doing? Do I not encourage her enough? Don’t I give her enough opportunities to learn, play and grow at home? Did turning on the TV ruin her? Is it because I spent too much time on my computer? Should I have force-read to her when she turned her head and cried whenever I tried to read to her? What did I do? What didn’t I do?
All I want is to do what is best for her. But now I am beginning to doubt that being home with her is best. I feel so lost right now.
About
My name is Michelle. I write, I shoot and I mom, not necessarily in that order. I'm aware that 'mom' isn't widely accepted as a verb but I think it should be.I'm a self-professed geek and caffeine addict. (Some may argue that the latter is a requirement of the former.) I live with my husband and our daughter in the California Delta.
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