TLE’s home “classroom”
Even as we are gearing up TLE for her speech therapy through the school district, I can’t help but have more than a few reservations about the possibility of her being in a traditional classroom in another year or so.
During her evaluation with the speech therapist the other day, I could not help but notice the brusque tone that she took with TLE. Much of the assessment was done using pictures or toys, with TLE having to name the picture/object, tell what belongs or doesn’t belong, tell a story based on the pictures or otherwise show that she comprehended the meaning of a story told to her. TLE is a natural and vivacious storyteller and she did these tasks when asked of her.
But TLE often wanted to ask for more details, tell more of the story/give more details, or otherwise engage the therapist in playing with her about the stories she was making up. We’ve always tried to encourage her story telling, her creativity. But the therapist kept steering her toward that task at hand in her brusque manner, ignoring her questions and demanding that TLE listen. Watching TLE — whose eyes were mostly on the therapist — I could see her confusion and then her frustration at not being able stories and not having her questions answered. By the end of the session, I could tell that she was downtrodden by this adult who wanted none of her stories.
In one hour, she went from being happy, creative and energetic to being sullen and cranky by the end of the assessment. I understand that the therapist was under a time constraint which was part of why she was moving so quickly. But my heart absolutely broke for TLE who has always been in an environment where teachers took time to talk to her, to answer her questions. She is not used to someone who relentlessly pushes her from task to task, not giving her time to adjust or ask questions, all the while reminding her to sit still.
And while I’m thankful for the opportunity for speech therapy, I can’t help but wonder if this is what we have to look forward to in public school. Teachers on time constraints, having to deal with so many kids, all at differing skill levels. I know that it is unlikely that any student will much one-on-one time with their teachers. And while we’ve always said that we’ll supplement her school with learning at home, I can’t help but wonder if it’s enough to compensate for the frustration I’m sure she’ll feel while she’s at school.
I remember being a very active kid with focus issues, unable to get the teacher’s attention when I wanted/needed it or getting the teacher’s attention for the wrong reasons. I remember what it was like being told I wasn’t working to my fullest ability because I could not focus. (Got that every. effing. year. of. school.) I certainly did not love school though I loved learning and eventually learned how to get good grades.
The more I think about it, the less I think that the traditional public school setup is an ideal place for TLE to love learning. And as much as I hope for her to get into the charter school which offers far smaller classes and a learner-centered environment that’s more in line with how her nursery school and preschool are set up, I know that I have little control over that.
The homeschool option is still on the table but one that I do really worry about. I’ve explained to TLE what homeschool is and she loves the idea of “Mommy-teacher” as she calls it. But in our semi-structured lessons at home, it is difficult to get her to concentrate and that’s what makes me nervous. I’ve told her that we can do “Mommy-teacher” at home if she listens to me. I give her a lot of leeway but it feels like I’m torturing her when I have to push her to finish a task.
For example, the other day we were working on numbers. She can count up to 14 and she recognizes the numbers 0 through 3. She had pointed to 0, 1, and 2 when asked and to finish off, I wanted her to point to the number “3″. I knew that she knew it but she did not want to comply! She finally did it but not without a lot of struggle.
Of course, the homeschool option has its critics. The Hubs ™ supports the homeschool idea, since we know better than anyone that TLE thrives off of one-on-one attention. He agrees that putting TLE in a traditional classroom environment, where she’s expected to sit still for hours on end, is pretty much setting her up for failure. Meanwhile, our housemate RD — who is pretty much an aunt-by-proxy — thinks that TLE would be better off in a school to get more socialization. She’s also pointed out that in the real world, TLE won’t always get her way and needs to learn how to get along with other kids.
And this is where I get confused. Is taking the homeschool option really giving TLE “her way”? As her parent, shouldn’t I be doing everything that I can to define and achieve her own successes, even if that definition may not coincide with my own? Is socialization through school really that important?
I don’t have answers yet. All I really have are my doubts.
I wouldn’t be surprised if some of the brusqueness was due to the evaluation procedure though there was some degree of it while we were on the phone so maybe it was a bit of both.
Hmm, definitely see your point about helping her by being a good support to help her understand her environment! I do wonder whether I’ll be able to help in her class later on. I know I would have dearly loved to have my mom in the classroom when I was a kid. (She worked swing shift and often slept during the day.) In the past, TLE’s always overreacted to me being in class with her, to the point that she’stops listening to any of her teachers. Maybe once the novel aspect of it wears off, she’d be better?
I wonder if the speech therapist was really being brusque or if she was merely strictly adhering to the protocols set forth by the test publishers to assure valid results based on consistent administration. For several years, I tested for learning disabilities and used a myriad of assessment tools in the batteries I administered and scored. The *administration* and *scoring* were always as prescribed–almost rigidly so–because that is the only proper way to do it. But the *interpretation* was very much my own flavor based on both my understanding of the literature empirically and on my observations and interactions in the testing room. And these anecdotal bits of evidence often carried as much or more weight than the scores themselves. I don’t know that I would have done it any differently than your speech therapist, though I would have had an apologetic smile on my face on those occasions when I was unable to engage in conversation, because further discussion and prompting alters the true results (e.g., can the subject garner meaning without further conversation to base her answers purely on recall or inference, can the subject perform at age-appropriate levels with the most minimal of verbal instructions, etc.).
Of course I wasn’t there and my conjecture giving her the benefit of the doubt could be completely unfounded. Maybe she was just a b!tch!
As far as socialization goes, public school is neither the best nor the only source for it. But that’s not to say that I’m anti public school. With the right support, it might be the best fit for your family. And by that, I mean smaller classrooms, adjunctive speech therapy, the comfort of structure (it’s not always an impediment–sometimes it’s a relief to know what’s coming up), etc. Also, people often say socialization when they mean making friends. Don’t forget about the social learning aspects that involve watching other same-aged peers maneuver their environment–whereas you might go blue in the face trying to teach your seemingly non-compliant child something, he or she might learn/comply instantly and willingly while watching a little person his or her own size do it. In the best learning environments, groups can go much further than individuals. Others’ contributions make for a much more fun and enriching experience sometimes.
Seems to me public school might be a win-win situation. If you get in to the charter school, then fabulous! If you don’t get into the charter school, then I would imagine that a cash strapped, poorly staffed classroom would love your help, which means you can oversee the classroom and help her understand the change in structure from preschool to Kinder. It’s not so much what happens that sticks with a person, but how those who love them react to it. Take the very very extreme example of a rape victim. She will get over her monstrous drunken stepfather (monsters do monstrous things–it’s easy to wrap your head around that) but she may never get over her mother not believing her (those who are supposed to love and protect shouldn’t betray us–that part is hard to wrap your head around). So, yes, the world will frustrate and confound her sometimes, but as long you can see her position and accurate mirror her reaction, a frustrating and confounding world will not be able to break her.
Btw, how do I sub to comments? I never know when you have replied to reply unless I happen to click on the individual post again!