Cheap-ass “Aquarium”
Fishies
The Little Empress and I had some time to kill before picking up The Hubs ™ at the BART station a few weeks ago. TLE had just woken up from her nap and we were both starving so I decided to visit the nearby 99 Ranch for some cheap dim sum. I’d packed pizza for TLE for lunch at school which she refused. She did, however, scarf down her weight in siu mai and shrimp and chive dumplings. And ate my share too! All I was left with was a measly steamed pork bun which she wanted absolutely nothing to do with. I guess shouldn’t be surprised as this is the same child who tends to refuse bread in most forms but will happily gobble her weight in noodles and rice.
After our cheapo dim sum lunch, we still had plenty of time to kill so I pushed her around in the shopping cart while we pretend shopped. I decided to take her over to the seafood section to check out the fishies. I’ve yet to take the poor kid to an aquarium (will probably do that over Christmas break) but I think after her experience here, it is better to wait. She liked looking at the fish, just as I thought she would but she freaked out at the bins of live crawfish. Of course, this may be because I picked up one of the crawdads with tongs, shoved it close to her and said, “Look! Look! A mini-lobster.” TLE, not amused at all, screamed. A lot. I laughed. (Does that make me a bad mom?) No tide pools for her for awhile.
Of course, after this experience, I might have to remind her that aquariums are for looking, not eating. 
Preschool home school
TLE wearing a collar which she insisted was a necklace. Yes it is disturbing. No it has nothing to do with the entry below. Again.
In light of The Little Empress’ recent assessment, The Hubs ™ and I have been reconsidering TLE’s schooling options. Interestingly, even though I’d said I didn’t want to home preschool, it looks like I am going to be doing so anyway. I do still intend on sending her to the co-op preschool but we’ve decided that I’m also going to be working with her more closely at home to help with her language challenges. Since her play based school is doing very well for her, I’m trying to figure out how to best emulate her school day at home. For now, she’ll still be going to school and I’ll be providing her a more structured afternoon. When she’s no longer attending school when she turns three, we’ll start the half-day structured preschool at home. (At least I have six months or so to prepare!!)
What I’m finding out is that preschool isn’t all fun and games. I mean, it is for the kids. My goal is for her to never view our home “preschool” as “work” — it will all be play based. But the thought that goes in to planning these days and activities… phew!! I honestly never realized the amount of planning that goes in to making a school day for a preschooler. It is a lot of work! Right now, I’m trying to determine themes for the various months and then plan activities around it, concentrating on ways to stimulate language.
I have a newfound respect for teachers, both conventional and homeschoolers. I knew that the work involved in homeschooling was pretty intense but just dipping my toe in the water for preschool lesson plans has me pretty nervous about whether or not I’d homeschool without the support of the school district or a charter academy. On a positive note, this curriculum creation process is definitely giving me first hand experience on the benefits of homeschooling as well as its downfalls. Yes, there’s a lot of work involved in not just the planning but the execution of the plan. I also am realizing that all of this is tailored specifically for TLE: her particular learning style, her needs. She will never get the same sort of attention in a conventional classroom. It just isn’t possible. Definitely food for thought in the years to come.
Read MoreOur love language
Every couple has their own “love language”. Some couples get each other gifts — flowers and jewelry for her, and (… uh, what DO women buy men?…) for him — to show their affection. Other couples leave sweet little notes or text messages to let their partner know they’re thinking about them.
The Hubs ™ and I have our own love language, spoken thusly. Over IM. Because it’s easier that way.
- The Hubs ™: So…
- Me: ??
- The Hubs ™: Want me to suffer through FFXIV for you?
Final Fantasy XIV Online logo
This, folks, is what passes for romance in our household. The Hubs ™ being ever willing to slog through (yet another) MMO that he knows I am interested even though he has no interest in it whatsoever. Our love language is him rolling up characters and slogging through what we not-so-affectionately term as “level stupid” where you’re a newbie in the game, with no skills, armor or money, trying to find the best way to level and build up our characters, all during the release week server crunch.
All this so he can help power level my character so I don’t have to slog through level stupid for nearly as long as he had to <3
I love our crazy gamer geek love. I really do.
Read MoreSpecial needs or not?
TLE’s recent progress assessment meeting brought up some thoughts I’ve been having since she entered the center based program. Most days, I do my best to avoid labeling TLE. I keep my head down and think about what she needs in an individual sense. I do my best to not think about what kids her age “should” be doing and instead concentrate on what she is doing right now. For the most part, this works. The fact that I’ve never been around small children and have no idea what to expect sorts of helps. (Does this count as willful ignorance?)
For a month or so after her initial assessment with the county, I found myself in a terrible funk and riddled with guilt. Why is she speech delayed? What did I not do? Did I not stimulate her enough? Did I not play with her enough? I blamed myself for her delays. I cried thinking that I’m a horrible mother than didn’t do enough. I cursed myself. I thought I worried that maybe we could have caught her delays earlier, gotten her help earlier. But I realized something important: she’s developing at her own pace. Being able to accept that has allowed me to move beyond wanting to find a reason why. Now I just want to concentrate on finding ways to help her. That’s where the “special needs” label comes in.
I’ve always been torn on the “special needs” label. I always considered her “high needs” but for some reason, the idea of her being “special needs” has been very hard for me to accept. The fact is that she is developmentally delayed and attends a special needs nursery school. These realities have been very hard for me to deal with.
On days that I’m faced with the reality of her delays, I find myself mulling over what she “should” be doing despite trying not to. On these days, I spend every waking hour that’s not spent attending to TLE is spent poring over literature or researching information about speech delays , sensory issues and how to help her. I look for activities that will address her speech and sensory issues. I keep journals and notes of her progress, writing down what she is doing at home and sharing it with her teachers and therapists. It is on days like this that I think about the “special needs” label and consider that it may be appropriate.
Yet when I see TLE’s classmates and the variety of challenges that their families have to contend with, I feel like I have no right to feel as out of sorts as I do. TLE’s classmates all struggle with challenges ranging from autism to cerebral palsy. Each of these children and their families struggle with a totally different set of challenges, all far more complex and with longer reaching ramifications on their entire family’s lives. I remind myself that speech delays are by far the most common developmental delay and that TLE will likely outgrow this delay in due time. Most of her classmates and their families will continue to face their challenges, head on, for their entire lives. I can’t help but admire their families for being strong in the face of their challenges.
I also can’t help but feel a bit of a whining maggot myself for worrying about our own.
A lot of times, I feel like I’m in no man’s land. On one hand, there’s plenty of support for families with special needs children. TLE’s school provides the parents with local special needs resources, generally tailored for families coping with serious challenges like autism or Down’s. I am also part of a local special needs mailing list which is very friendly and full of warm, supporting people. Yet reading about the daily challenges all the families deal with makes me feel like I’m feeling stressed for nothing. THEIR families deal with so much more; what am I complaining about?
At the same time, I know that I deal with far more than most typical parents do. My day… no, my life… is really centered around her and providing for her needs. TLE is a whirlwind of activity and can be volatile. It used to be that just about anything could set her off, from an unexpected change in activity to an item being given to her in the wrong way. (I am so very grateful that her inconsolable tantrums have improved to the point that they’re no longer lasting hours!!) I spend a good chunk of time researching ways to help her with her speech delay, learning what I can about sensory integration dysfunction and being proactive about her sensory diet. And I have to do all this while reminding myself not to be a helicopter parent, to set realistic limits and expectations and remind myself, above all else, that she’s far, far more than just the delays. That she’s a loving, vivacious child that depends on me to guide her lovingly.
Read MoreAssessment update
The Little Empress, avoiding the camera
Yesterday, The Hubs ™ and I attended The Little Empress’ assessment meeting to review how she’s progressed since we set some specific goals for her in June. Overall, her progress has been steady and consistent. Her gross motor and fine motor skills test at nearly 36 months old (!!); her cognitive and self-help abilities test at her current age level; but her social and expressive speech continue to be issues. At this point, she has more than a 50% delay in her expressive speech, which I wasn’t surprised about. What I was surprised about is that she is still testing at approximately a 50% delay socially. It is really sort of a head scratcher — she’s very friendly, she acknowledges that are kids around and she has some special friends that she shows appropriate affection with but she still doesn’t initiate play. New goals were set and now TLE has a bunch of new stuff to work on.We also confirmed that, yes, TLE will be at the center-based program until she ages out next March.
During the meeting, I was reminded about how absolutely lucky we’ve been with the county. When I joined a local special needs list, there was a lot of talk about how to advocate for your child and to push back when county denies services. Budgets are strained and they tend to try to cut corners were they can. We have a passionate case worker who advocates hard for her cases. She confessed to me that, if we had lived eleswhere chances are that TLE would have only gotten limited speech therapy which wouldn’t have helped her much at all. TLE’s speech therapist asked about the possibility of the county paying for more intensive speech therapy with TLE, considering her delays. I had already checked with our health insurance and they will not cover speech therapy that is not attributable to medical condition.
On the way home, The Hubs ™ and I discussed more things I can do at home with TLE to try to help her. That expressive speech component is important. I try my best not to compare TLE to other kids, reminding myself that she’ll gain speech at her own pace and that above all else, it is most important that she is healthy and happy. But it is still heartbreaking to realize that TLE isn’t like other kids; speech will be difficult for her for some time. While I know she’ll catch up eventually, I don’t want this to affect her self-esteem in the long run. And I know that the best way to do that is to continue to do what we’ve been doing: not comparing her to others, helping her when/where we can, using positive reinforcement and just loving and supporting her, no matter what.
Her therapists and teachers also brought up two more issues that we’re probably going to be dealing with for awhile. The first is TLE’s willful stubbornness. She simply refused to comply with many of the tests. The OT and her assistant had to jump through a lot of hoops to get her to do the gross motor tests. The program director, whom TLE loves, could not get her to comply with a simple game of peekaboo. She knew she could do it but TLE simply crossed her arms and shut her out. STUBBORN!! It is almost cute now but man oh man, I see a bumpy road ahead with her. TLE is very much about doing things her way. If it wasn’t her idea, it is hard to get her to go along with it. (I’d love to blame The Hubs ™ for this personality trait but sadly, I think she gets it from both of us. Add on top she’s an Aries cusp and we’ve got our hands full!!)
Another thing that the brought up was her attention span. Of course, toddlers don’t have much of an attention span to begin with but TLE’s lack of attention span also made it difficult for them to complete tests in a timely manner. Very easily distracted, she’d flit from activity to activity. And when she was done, she was done.
Oi. We’ve got our work cut out for us.
Read More
Copyright
Text and photographs copyrighted by Michelle N unless otherwise noted. Random Geekery
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