Oh sod it…
One of the major downsides of buying foreclosures is that a lot of the times, the house isn’t in the greatest shape. Pretty, staged homes were NOT what we saw. Most of the time, we toured homes that were hurriedly vacated after months of neglect. After all, if you’re going to lose your home anyway, why bother with upkeep?
We ended up buying a home we loved that needed quite a bit of TLC. And for the most part, the interior got the TLC it so desperately needed along with new floors and mostly cosmetic fixes. Though we cleared the existing trees, weeds and overgrowth when we moved in a year ago, and got the house painted, we haven’t done much with the exterior.
Frankly, The Hubster ™ and I thought very little about curb appeal until we realized that our neglected front lawn was beginning to become a dumping ground for the neighborhood kids who seemed to think it was okay to dump their trash on our property on the way home from school. Plus, as The Little Empress is getting older, and the temperatures are getting warmer, it would be a shame not to have a nice lush lawn for her to run through the sprinklers or to place a little kiddie pool on.
The Hubster ™ and I debated about lawns for awhile. For a long time, we were both firmly against having a lawn because of how much money it costs. But we also realized that not having a lawn means that we’ve got a big patch of DIRT that weeds grow in however they please and there’s not a damned thing we could do about it.
So finally, I buckled and have gotten estimates for the yard work. Geezus chrysler, is that how much lawns cost these days? Had I known how much a decent yard costs, I would have been more insistent on finding something with at least a patchwork of grass instead of thinking that a blank slate was more preferable. Lesson learned 
Not from scratch…
The Hubster ™ would say that I’m a bit of a food snob. I pride myself on making most of our meals from scratch. Most of the time, I find meal kits or pre-processed food to be over priced, overly salty or sugary and/or not to my taste.
As far as baked goods go, I usually find scratch made to be so far superior to mixes that for most items, I wouldn’t dare use a mix. Brownies? I’ve got a kick ass recipe for that. Cookies? I make one of the best chip cookies EVAR. Scones? My buttermilk scones are the best ever. Breads? I love baking breads and experimenting with them. In fact, here’s a batch of bagels I made over Memorial Day weekend 
I know that I’m perfectly capable of making my own cake from scratch. I’ve done it before dozens of times. Chiffon cakes, honey cakes, devil’s food, chocolate, vanilla…. Name it and I’ve probably made it.
But for some reason, I succumb to the siren song of cake mix and canned frosting whenever the fancy to make cupcakes strikes. There’s something oddly satisfying about the mindlessness of it all, being able to pour everything into the mixer, spoon it into the pan and have it come out yummy and delicious with little effort.
When it comes right down to it, cupcakes are tasty, no matter what.
For what it’s worth…
Yes, yes, another Jon & Kate Plus 8 post. Sue me, I got sucked in to TLC’s weekend marathon and ended up watching way more of them than I ever planned to.
Since TLC marathoned the episodes from beginning to the present, you could see the evolution of the Gosselins from a young family, struggling to make ends meet to their current trainwreck of a situation. Whether you loved them or hated them, chances are you’ve spied them on a tabloid cover or heard about them even if you don’t watch TV. And if you haven’t, well, consider yourself lucky.
Normally, I could care less about celebrities. They have their lives and I have mine and that’s just fine. I don’t envy celebrities for what they have because while the money would be really, really nice, life under a microscope sure as hell isn’t. Even so, when a family like the Gosselins come around and practically GIVE you the microscope, can you really be blamed for looking?
Having followed the Gosselins on and off, my first impression of them was that they were a young family, struggling to get by in the most extraordinary of circumstances. Twins AND sextuplets? Just the idea of The Little Empress having a twin is enough to make me curl up in a fetal position and rock back and forth moaning, “Oh god no oh god no oh god no.” (Don’t get me wrong, I love my daughter to pieces but she. is. a. handful.) Watching Mady Gosselin twirl around, the spirited energy bomb that she is, makes curl up in the aforementioned fetal position because good lord, Mady is exactly how I was as a child and is likely a reflection of what I have to look forward to with The Little Empress. God help me. And it was extraordinary to see how Kate Gosselin managed her humoungus household. If she was a little stressed out, who could blame her?
But then the one hour special became a series on the Discovery Health Channel which then got moved to TLC which has since morphed from The Learning Channel to The Litter Channel because it seems like most family shows have something to do with folks having multiples or huge families. (And yes, I watch these on occasion too because, wow, trainwreck.) And with each subsequent evolution of the show, the Gosselins changed as well. Far from being the young, just trying to make it family that I think most families could relate to, they’ve quickly become a celebrity family that very few people can relate to. They became a family that folks loved or hated. Casual watchers of the show — myself included — saw something wrong in the body language between Kate and Jon. As the show became more popular, more mainstream, some fans hated to admit that they loved the Gosselins; meanwhile anti-fans loved to hate them.
Why does the media even bother elevating people to celebrity status? Is it to worship them or to hate them?
I guess that in some sick way, the allegations of Jon being unfaithful and the Gosselins marriage being on the rocks has brought them crashing down to earth. Casual couch potato viewers — myself included, sadly — jumped from their couch saying, “I knew something was wrong!” Online forums buzz with news on who has outed the Gosselins for what they are, blogs speculate what is next, Gosselin lovers, haters and “… wtf is this all about?” folks tuned in on Monday to watch the painful, train wreck of a season premiere.
The silences, the body language, Kate’s palpable animosity, Jon’s resigned body language, the strain. To us, it is a television show; to them, it is their lives. I feel so very ashamed to be peeking in on what should be some very private parts of their lives and yet I remind myself that it is okay because they are choosing to air it for us.
I can’t help but wonder what will be next for the Gosselin kids. The sextuplets are 5 and the twins are nearly 9. They are no longer the uber cute little kids they once were. When TLC drops them — and they will, make no mistake. The entertainment world is cruel and you’re only as desirable as your marketing team wants you to be — what will happen to the kids? Will they notice that the attention is gone? (I’m sure Mady will!) Will they miss the free trips, the special treatment? Or will they bounce and recover?
And what of Jon and Kate? I mentioned to my sister that TLC’s marathon of Jon & Kate Plus 8 episodes over the Memorial Day weekend felt a lot like a memorial service. See how they used to be! See how they changed! See what changed! The season premiere really felt like the beginning of a slow death for the show, like a train slowly but surely about to crash to a stop. It is horrible and you know people are going to get hurt but you just. can’t. look. away.
Read MorePart of the problem
I have a confession to make: I’ve been following the Gosselin family, ie. Jon & Kate Plus 8. I remember hearing about them awhile back from their first TLC special, about how they were a family with twins and sextuplets. I didn’t take too much notice when Jon & Kate Plus 8 was made into a regular show, mostly because we didn’t have cable until last year. I would catch a bit of the show from time to time but usually didn’t watch the show in its entirety. Something about the show just rubbed me the wrong way. Mady reminds me too much of myself as a child and Kate reminds me of how overbearing and controlling I can be from time to time.
Even so, I’ve found myself fascinated by what’s going on with them. When rumors started flying back in February about Jon fooling around without Kate, I rolled my eyes and wondered why folks couldn’t leave them alone. And yet when the latest season of Jon & Kate Plus 8 wrapped, I watched the finale and was disappointed that there was no huge reveal.
Whether or not Jon’s been unfaithful to Kate doesn’t affect my life at all. Yet here I am, reading People for Kate’s take on what’s happening with them. I’m watching the current TLC marathon of Jon & Kate Plus 8 and it is beginning to feel like a memorial service to the happy memories. And of course, I’m planning to watch the season premiere to find out what’s going on.
I try to be a pretty private person myself yet I seem to enjoy peeking into others. Yeesh, why should I care about the Gosselins lives? Geezus. I’m part of the problem!
… I know all this but I’m still going to watch. I’m hopeless.
Read MoreHe’s not my sun.
While reading a friend’s blog entry about Mommy blogs, I followed a link to Ayelet Waldman’s 2005 article for the New York times called Truly, Madly, Guiltily where she talks about her relationship with her children and her husband. As she puts it, she loves her children but is in love with her husband, a claim I can understand and hell, even agree with.
However unlike most women, Waldman claims, her life does not revolve around her children but instead, revolves around her husband. Um, okay. And then, this:
An example: I often engage in the parental pastime known as God Forbid. What if, God forbid, someone were to snatch one of my children? God forbid. I imagine what it would feel like to lose one or even all of them. I imagine myself consumed, destroyed by the pain. And yet, in these imaginings, there is always a future beyond the child’s death. Because if I were to lose one of my children, God forbid, even if I lost all my children, God forbid, I would still have him, my husband.
But my imagination simply fails me when I try to picture a future beyond my husband’s death. Of course I would have to live. I have four children, a mortgage, work to do. But I can imagine no joy without my husband.
God forbid she find any kind of joy in her children, who are the part of her husband who would still be living. God forbid she could find any joy in them.
God forbid Ms. Waldman’s husband ever die. I’d feel so sorry for children whose mother couldn’t find joy in them, despite her own saddness.
And if my children resent having been moons rather than the sun? If they berate me for not having loved them enough? If they call me a bad mother?
I will tell them that I wish for them a love like I have for their father. I will tell them that they are my children, and they deserve both to love and be loved like that. I will tell them to settle for nothing less than what they saw when they looked at me, looking at him.
I know that closing is supposed to be poetic, even poignant. How awesome her love for her husband must be, above the love for her own children. But correct me if I’m wrong here but basically, she is saying she would tell her children to find a great love for themselves like she had for her husband, never settling for less than that love. Never mind that she didn’t show them that love herself. That’s supposed to make it better?
Nope, sorry, not buying it. At the root of it all, it seems to me that Waldman considers the love for husband and love for children to be mutually exclusive. Because, God forbid! a woman could love her husband and her kids in a way that doesn’t put one above the other.
Admittedly, the love you have for your child/ren and your partner are two different types of love. But just because they’re different means you love one more than the other or that one love means more than the other. The whole notion reminds me of those fights I used to have with my sister. “Mommy loves me best!” I’d yell as I would stomp my feet, as if to prove a point. (Yeah, I was a brat.) Our mom would step in and say, “No, I love you both the same.”
My love for my husband and child are two very different but similar feelings. I grew to love my husband but I fell in love instantly with my child. The Hubster ™ and I are equal partners in life; I am The Little Empress’ minion, teacher, feeding trough, pillow, etc. My relationships are vastly different from each other, neither more nor less than the other.
Has the ardor that I once felt for my husband diminished or been completely replaced by my overwhelming maternal feelings for my child, as proposed by Waldman? Uh, no. For one, ardor is not a word I’d use to describe what my husband and I feel for each other. (Or at least, not a word I could use with a straight face when thinking about our relationship. OOOOH. HOT BURNING PASSIONATE LOOOOOOOOVE. Gimme a break, I’m so 12 years old at heart.) My non-existant sex life had nothing to do with lack of love for my husband — and frankly, equating frequency of sex to depth of one’s love is just plain stupid if you ask me — and everything to do with my perpetual sleep deficiency and the fact that TLE insists that boobies are her food and not Daddy’s toy. (Ever try to initiate the mood when you’ve got a 1 year old climbing over you, mouth at the ready trying to nurse? Take notes — DOESN”T WORK. This child is the best birth control we ever had.)
So yeah, in my very humble and honest opinion, Ms. Waldman can stuff it.
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Text and photographs copyrighted by Michelle N unless otherwise noted. Random Geekery
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